"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
