This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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