I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
