Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Too much gin, very little bucket
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
