I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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