I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
