Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
