If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
