WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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