Someone shit on the floor
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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