ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
