he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
