Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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