Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
