Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
