I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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