There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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