Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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