i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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