and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
