I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
