after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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