im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
