I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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