I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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