My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
