Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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