I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
