I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
