I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
