Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
