My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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