she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
