i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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