so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
