he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
