P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
tell me about the eggs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
