A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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