I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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