dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
