im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
