her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize