That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
