i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
