Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
