sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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