I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
