Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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