mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
