I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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