Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize