my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
