I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
