I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
