I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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