Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
