Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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