I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
