She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
