I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
